Facts of Life
by the random monkey
Summary: Vivi wants to know what a certain word means... A clean story, but rated PG because I know someone out there is squeamish about the S-E-X word.


Title: The Facts of Life  
Author: the random monkey  
Date: sometime in November, I think  
Author's notes: Does this really need an explanation? But please, please, PLEASE, read "Being," my serious fic. It's about three black mages who wake up, and what they do after that. I really want feedback on it, but nobobdy's given me a review for the last two chapters. Please, if you like this, read my serious (but not angsty!) story, "Being." 

  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  


"Um, Zidane?" asked Vivi quietly. "C-can I ask you a question?"

"Hn?" grunted Zidane, looking over at the young mage. He was sitting on the bed in the guestroom of Lindblum Grand Castle; Vivi was peeking his head around the doorframe. "Yeah, sure. What's on your mind?"

Vivi walked in, looking shyly down at his hands. "Um… I was wondering…" He paused.

"Yeah?" asked Zidane.

"You said if I ever had any questions about girls, I could ask you…"

"Uh-huh."

"And… Well… People always talk about it…"

"Vivi, spit it out already!" said Zidane impatiently.

Vivi looked up at his older friend with curious yellow eyes. "What's sex?"

Zidane caught off guard by the question, jumped up off the bed. "Sex?" he sputtered, turning away, then suddenly turning back, "Didn't your grandpa ever tell you?"

"No…" said Vivi, looking back down at his hands, his voice trembling slightly. "Is… is it bad that I don't know?"

"No, no!" said Zidane. "I mean, you're still young… No reason you should know… heh…" He cleared his throat and ran one hand back through his blond hair nervously.

They both sood in silence for a moment. Then Vivi looked up and said, "Well?"

"Well what?" asked Zidane.

"Well, what is it?" asked Vivi again.

"Oh, man," muttered Zidane under his breath, and began pacing. He had no idea where to start. "Well…" he said finally, stopping, "Uh, see, there's a man and a woman, right? And they're really in love with each other, and they want to, uh, express their love to each other, right? So, they have sex."

"But…" said Vivi, adjusting his hat, "But what do they actually _do_?"

Zidane took a deep breath, trying to figure out how he wanted to say what he wanted to say to the young mage. "Vivi," he said finally, "I'm just going to come out and say it, without sugarcoating it. Go ask Steiner."

Vivi adjusted his hat again. "…Okay," he said, and turned and left.

Zidane flopped backwards on the bed, breathing a sigh of relief. _That was close, _he thought. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Steiner was in the corridor outside Dagger's room, guarding her, of course. Vivi walked up slowly, feeling nervous. 

Steiner saw Vivi first. "Master Vivi!" he said cheerfully, giving a snappy salute. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Um…" said Vivi. "I-I had a question…"

"Ask away, and I shall do my best to satisfy your curiosity," said Steiner.

"…What's sex?"

Steiner's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Pardon me?" he said, after a moment.  


"What's… sex?" asked Vivi in a small voice. He hadn't thought a simple question would make people so upset.  


"Didn't your grandfather teach you about that?" Steiner asked.

"No… Zidane asked the same thing…"

"Zidane?!" exclaimed Steiner. "Did you ask that monkey tailed fiend about such a thing? Master Vivi, I must advise you not to listen to a word that comes out of that rapscallion's mouth!"

"H-he didn't tell me anything, except to ask you," said Vivi.

"Wise advice," Steiner said, calming down visibly. He remained quiet for a few moments, seeming to consider what to say. "Master Vivi…" he said finally. "With all due respect, I feel it is not proper to tell you about such things at your age." He bowed. "My apologies."

"It's okay," said Vivi, disappointed. He walked away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Eiko was in the garden, playing hide and seek with the castle moogles. Vivi, oblivious to this fact, walked up to her hiding behind a bush. "Hi, Eiko," he said.

Eiko spun around. "Quiet!" she hissed. "I'm trying to hide, here!"

It was too late, though. Moggington flew up and tagged her. "You're it! Kupo!" it said.

"Thanks a lot!" Eiko growled, glaring at Vivi. 

"I-I'm sorry," Vivi stuttered. "I just wanted to ask you a question."

"Well, go ahead and ask then!" said Eiko.

"U-um… I was wondering… if you knew… what sex is?"

Eiko stared at him, her face reddening. "How dare you!?" she screamed after a moment.

"Huh?" said Vivi.

"How dare you ask an innocent little kid like me a question like that?" she screeched. "You pervert! Get out of here before I bash your face in!"

Vivi turned and ran away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Freya was in the courtyard, practicing with her lance. She stopped when she saw Vivi. "Hello," she called.

"H-hi," replied Vivi. "Um… If I ask you something, will you promise not to get mad?"

"Of course," she said, kneeling down to his eye level. "What is it?"

Vivi took a deep breath. "W-what's sex?" he asked.

Freya remained silent, and Vivi was afraid for a moment that she would get mad in spite of her promise. Instead, she stood up and sighed. "Come with me, Vivi," she said. "We'll have a talk." Vivi followed her into the castle.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Vivi and Freya were seated across from each other in one of the many parlors, a bunch of hastily-drawn diagrams spread out on the coffee table between them.

"…And then after many months, the mother will give birth to the baby through that same opening. And then that baby will grow up, and fall in love, and the cycle will continue. Do you understand?" Freya looked evenly at Vivi, who stared back silently, eyes wide.

"Vivi?" Freya asked again.

"…You sure do know a lot about it," said Vivi.

Freya coughed. "Are you okay, Vivi?" she asked.

"…. I think I need to go think for a while," said Vivi, standing up and walking away silently.  


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  


Zidane was lounging around in the foyer later that day, when he saw Vivi walk down the stairs, looking preoccupied.  


"Vivi! What's up?" he asked, walking over to his young friend. "Did Steiner answer your question?"  


"N-no," said Vivi softly. "But Freya did."  


"Ah," said Zidane, patting Vivi's shoulder. "Yeah, she probably knows a lot about that stuff." He laughed nervously.  


The two stood for a moment, then Vivi asked, "Zidane? I-is there something you wanted from me?"  


"No, no!" Zidane said, lauging again. "It's just that, uh, I wanted to ask you a little question, that's all." He ran his hand through his hair.  


"Okay," said Vivi. "What is it?"  


Zidane cleared his throat and looke down at Vivi, a serious look on his face.  


"What's sex?"  



End file.
